Recently, I was so down and I cannot write or think anything.
I tried to be productive as I can but I always end up being lazy. I tried to read books and all. I deleted the Instagram app on my phone. I tried as much as possible to leave my social media accounts. I succeeded in controlling myself not to reinstall the Instagram app (as I am an Insta person) and it’s been almost three months that I left my account hanging. I don’t know whether Instagram will automatically delete my account for being inactive or not but I will not be going to check it anyway.
I told myself to just take a break for a while but then, I lose my balance.
I can’t keep up with what I want and what my life needs.
I keep on sinking.
I built a hole on the ground.
I couldn’t even see any lights.
I tried to fly but I kept on falling.
My wings broke and I fall so deep.
I have been sleeping since I couldn’t see any hope.
Trying to listen to my voice yet I couldn’t hear.
I never even pray because miracles don’t exist.
It’s hard to lose against oneself.
I tried to fight back.
But I keep on losing.
I put down my pen as I break my sword.
Tear down my notes as I remove my shield.
I cut myself to understand my inner self.
I abandon my armor to hurt myself.
I drop anymore hope to end the battle.
Yet, I still couldn’t understand the reason why I am fighting against myself.
I wanted to unleash the demon.
But then I keep on restraining it.
I still keep on holding it.
Until I saw something on the horizon as I put an end to this battle.
Ready to end everything.
Preparing to lose.
Suddenly, I stand.
I misunderstood myself over and over.
So, I write again.
I’m back and it took me a while to be with myself again.