I stalk and get stalked.
‘Good morning‘, I said energetically as I woke up then I realized I am alone. When you used to be with someone, happily waking up in the morning, staring at his face, and throwing him a lot of kisses, you always look forward to spending the day with him, yet now, it’s kind of weird greeting your bed and waiting for it to reply. For the first time in 5 years, I am alone eating my breakfast. But it will not going to stop me from enjoying my life. Heartaches will heal. And I am healing. I’m already at the pace of moving on and accept the fact that I will be walking the street alone since the day he said his goodbyes and left me with another woman. Or I guess, women. Anyway, I’m looking forward to enjoying my singlehood. No rules just fun. No limits. No borders. Just me and my friends. One good thing the breakup gives me is that I can spend time with my friends without him as my shadow. I am free and I think I’m going to love it.
So, I said to myself.
Yet, I’m crying. I called my friend, and she didn’t answer. I showered while crying. I didn’t even bother to dress to impress. I just put on my shoes, close the door and walk the street where he used to hold my hand.
Months after the breakup, I am still healing. I tried calling his number, but I guess, he changed his phone. I tried to look for his name on any social media, but he blocked me.
One year after the break-up, I am still hoping he will knock on my door and said he is sorry. I am hoping and desperately waiting for him to come home.
Then, I received a message from an unknown number, said, ‘Enough! See the mirror and ask yourself what happen to you.’ So, I went to see myself in the mirror, and I looked so stupid and deranged. I just said to myself, ‘I’m sorry for being weak, self’. And I laugh while crying. For a year, I didn’t bother to look after myself. I was so emotionally weak, and I hurt myself because I love him so much. I courageously pick up myself and said, ‘today, I will love and fix myself’. And that’s the real start of me being single, happy, and healed.
As for the unknown number, I tried calling it, but no one is answering my call. I tried sending it messages, but it just said ‘delivered’ and whoever the owner is, he/she didn’t bother to read it. I used the facetime app just in case it will answer on its own (as if it will), but it’s just ringing. I asked the admin (she’s one of my closest colleagues) secretly because it’s not allowed (company rules) to check in the database if it’s own by one of our colleagues, but she said, no record found. I almost know everyone’s phone number in the office, but I still want to make sure that maybe one of them sent me a message because they saw how I almost destroyed myself and how I almost lost my job. In the end, I just said ‘Thank you’ to whoever that person is.
My friends have set me up with dates. I oblige because I wanted to fully heal. But not a single person steals my heart. And my friends are not giving up even though I said I’m fine and wanted to just enjoy life.
Two years have passed, and I am still single. But wait, my heart is starting to fall in love again, but nobody knows it yet. The new manager in the sales department is quite my type. On his first day to work, he makes every lady in the office lost their selves. I smiled and pretended that I don’t like him. Typical gesture. Hard to get persona but I wanted to sleep with him. But kidding aside, he is just a fish to catch but difficult to eat. I don’t know if he is married or not, but he is someone your parents will be proud of.
So, I search for his social media, his wife and kids if he has, his personality, his favorite foods, hobbies, etc. Secretly. I don’t want to be caught. My colleagues did the same thing too but not secretly. They do it intentionally and openly. He just smiled and continue his work. Every day, just looking at him, makes me want to bring him coffee and ask him if he likes a traditional one or the free-spirited girl. Daydreaming, I wanted to kiss his lips and oh, I’m losing myself. What am I thinking?
I told my friends about him and they’re so excited to see him. So, we begin our manhunt. Not the bad man hunting but the good one. We combine our forces to look upon him on the internet and trying our CIA ways. Voila! We found him. He is single, not married but maybe in a relationship because there is this girl in every picture available on his social media. My friend said he looks familiar but couldn’t remember where she saw him. We trace any connection we could gather and found that one of our high school classmates knows him though we don’t know whether they know each other, or they just happen to be in the same place. And that’s how I started stalking him. I even added him on Facebook. Every day, I check his Facebook account if he updated anything, his status, or just photos. Unfortunately, he’s not into posting his life on social media. He only created his Facebook account because everybody has one. I check on his LinkedIn, oh boy, he is so handsome on his resume. He is five years older than me. Oh no, we went to the same Elementary school but because he is older than me, so I just ignore it. His LinkedIn profile shows his achievements. All I can do is fall in love more than I could. He is an ideal man. Mysterious. Cold. Reserve. And his smiles can melt the iceberg. I started fixing how I dress, not just to impress but to get him to unclothe me. Yeah! I dress just so he could undress me. Oh, That’s just in my mind. Shame on me. But I have to do my best to get his attention because there are too many single ladies around the office. If he is not married, he could still cross the other side of the sea and eat different dishes.
I am one of the highest sales representative earners in our company since he started to work as our Manager because I’m hoping he would show his appreciation and attention towards me and bond together but all he did is to motivate us, I mean all of us, not just me, to have more sales. He comes to work just to work, with no personal attachment. For him, work is work, nothing else. He didn’t even attend his welcome party. But still, everyone likes him because of his cold personality. When he smiles, oh lord, please forgive for my dirty mind.
Then, I got a call on Saturday morning, I answered it without checking who calls and told me to come to work. I just said yes without asking why. Oh, I hate myself for being a workaholic witch. One of the reasons why my ex had an affair because of how devoted I am to my work. I knew at that time that he was cheating but I just ignore it. I saw it with my eyes how he flirts, gets drunk, and gets naked but I still love him. Different women, different lips, and different scents. I love him so much that I keep on denying it, acting as if everything is okay at that time. But then, I wasn’t just enough for him. Five long years, he dated women more than we could celebrate our anniversary. I thought any day in the five years we’ve been together, he would ask me to marry him, but he never even bought a ring. He never even talked about starting to have a family. And I was in my 30’s when he finally leaves and left me with a broken dream of walking in the aisle. But I am okay now and starting to fall in love again.
As I head to my office, I saw my manager on the way to our building. He lives and walks in the same place as I am but it’s the first time, I saw him there. I wanted to say Hi but I know him for having a cold personality so I just look at him and doing some weird walking as if I am dancing on the street hoping he will notice me. Disappointingly, he just went straight to our building. As I arrive at the entrance, he’s just standing there as if he’s waiting for someone. He smiled and I smiled back, and I said Good morning even though it’s past 12noon.
Let’s go, he said. And I said, huh?
It’s a date. He said again.
Date? I was confused. Why would he say that? What on earth is happening? I don’t understand. This man, who never shows any emotion just said, it’s a date. Does he know the meaning of ‘it’s a date?
I told him, I got to work.
It’s Saturday. he said with it a straight face. And he holds my hand, and we walk in the street, under the sun, looking like a young happily married couple. It’s like a scene in a romantic movie, where there will be a love song in the background, flowers everywhere, and my heart couldn’t understand why.
But I just hold his hands and my heart finally smiles.
The only explanation for what happens is that it’s him that sent me the message. He saw me for the first time in years after their family transferred to another place but did not talk and introduce himself as he’s quite a shy person with a cold heart and I was still with my ex at that time.
I was supposed to be the stalker, but he stalked me first.
More Ringo short stories coming soon.
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